The Last Goodbye

I've always been a nostalgic person. Anyone that knows me could easily vouch for this, hell, just read any of my blog entries. I don't consider this a bad quality, but sometimes holding onto certain memories becomes excruciating . Sometimes I can grip them so tight that reality becomes distorted, the past remains unbearable, and the future is just too much. I pride myself on this quality however, no matter how unhealthy it can appear at times, it's simply something that makes me, me.

The goodbye is always the hardest part:

You hug your family goodbye after Christmas dinner. Stuffed to the brim with ham and pasta salad you must now embark from relative to relative to say your farewells and good nights. After you receive a crippling bear hug from your uncle, you continue to hobble onto the next aunt or cousin in hopes of a gentle embrace that will grant you some reprieve. It's not that a hug is a bad thing, there's just so much love that it can hurt sometimes. It's these things that you will come to miss.

You go to your best friend's "Bon Voyage" Party. As you drive there you casually remind yourself to not lose composure. The night will consist of board games, dinner, and gossip for dessert. All the while that goodbye is creeping up on you; you know that this night cannot last forever. After an overwhelming long hug, you wave goodbye from the car as you back out of the driveway. Sometimes all you can do is smile to avoid falling apart. The Lumineers play softly from the speakers; tears blind you as you swiftly dip out of sight and merge back onto I-64.

You sit on your bed and watch him mouth the words "It's over." The hair on the nape of your neck stands tall, like soldiers on the front line, your stomach takes residency next to your Adam's Apple, and all you want is the one thing you can't have, the love you just lost. You tell yourself it would have been easier if you had some warning; heartbreak, however, is never something that needs foreshadowing. It's a reality that hurts, and a goodbye that is even more painful to swallow. 

You wait in a room filled with the ill. Stomach bug in row 3, twisted ankle three seats down, and a nurse hurriedly running down the hall, clipboard in hand as a muffled voice echoes haunting calls of distress over the intercom. You blankly stare at his old face, his white lab coat gleaming back at you, and the word "Cancer" still bouncing around the inside of your head. You hold her hand and tell her "Everything will be alright", even though you have no medical training. Hope is the only medicine in your pharmacy. She gives you the best smile she can muster as you squeeze her hand tighter.

My Wanderers our paths are not always clear. We merge from paths to streets and from roads to countrysides, never with signs or a GPS. We are constantly forced to do the best we can with what we have. Isn't that what makes us such colorful people though? In life, there are no rule books and no maps of the future. We write it ourselves. I know it's hard sometimes, it's hard for me too; goodbyes are just a difficult part of life. This doesn't have to be as bad you make it out to be though. You do have some power here, so take it. 

The trick to saying goodbye is not dwelling on the mystery of the future. Do not revel in the ominous. Instead however, think of every good time that you had together. I know that sounds cliche, but it's so helpful. Saying goodbye is hard enough as it is and being depressed won't change a thing. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be sad. The day will seem a whole lot brighter when you smile instead of frown. Take a step forward my Wanderers. Each day is a challenge and I know you can overcome them. Hold onto those beautiful memories forever, never lose them. Let the others go and be free from your sadness.

Always be a shoulder to cry on for others, and always be thankful when someone offers you one in return. It is so much harder to go through this alone so don't turn away the people you care about most. Just remember that this too shall pass. We will get through this one day at a time. You just have to remember to enjoy the time that you're given and look forward to making new memories. When you're at your lowest, look up, because that's exactly where you're headed. Keep wandering, we'll all get to where we want to go in the end.