The Next Step

From day one we have been prepped for "the next step". From potty training to college graduation we've had our hands held in hopes of making decent progress onto the following chapters of our lives. Once the advancement has been made we are showered with praise. Our first steps, mastering basic arithmetic, parallel parking, all the way to advanced biochemistry that only surgeons or jeopardy contestants would be privy to. We've earned this praise though. After all, it hasn't been easy getting this far. Our goals that we set for ourselves may be high, but it's all about trying to achieve our full potential. However, eventually the ones that have led you all this way have to step back and take the back seat. You're the driver now and quite frankly, it's terrifying as hell.

They say that 'the college years' are the best years of your life. If that's so, then I'm about to peak at 22, and it's all down hill from here. I'm staring at the rest of my life and the decisions that I have to make right now are more than overwhelming. Suddenly I'm realizing that I have 10 months left before the script of my life is blank and I have to start writing the next page by myself (literally and figuratively). While this may be somewhat of a daunting task my Wanderers, remember that you are not alone. Things are going to change. Period, plain and simple. I will tell you this though. The true friends that have stood by you for so long are still beside you, just as you are right beside them.

The truth is we don't peak at 22, 35, or 40. There might be an "Over the Hill", and 20 may be the new 30, but I'm going to live each day the way I want and argue, until the day I die that we never "peak." Our lives are a constant series of ups and downs and we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride. It's hard enough to try and start this journey into "the real world," but doing it by yourself would be a hardship above all others. Cherish the friendships that you've made and remember that no matter how far you may be from each other, whether it be the next town, the next state, or the next continent, that those people will always be there for you and that it's only a matter of time before you see them again.

You remember that time that you stood on the corner to wait for the bus in the freezing cold, only to realize that you'd missed the last one by an hour and had to walk all the way back? Or how about the time that you took one shot too many and your best friend patted you on the back while the coolness of the toilet seat felt like home against your flush cheeks? Who could forget the time that you stayed up playing "Kings" around a self designed coffee table until four in the morning, knowing that you had a nine a.m. class. The time you all hiked and complained the entire way up, only to realize how much closer you had gotten, dangling your feet over the edge of the cliff and stared out, silently, over the pristine untouched landscape that seemed to stretch out forever.

These memories are what make 'the college years' so incredible. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Take all of these and allow them to fill you up as you take this next step into the real world. It's not going to be easy, I assure you. The world has a way of smacking you down just when you feel like you've gotten a grip on it. When you feel like you've been beaten down, that the world has had it's way with you and you're not getting a second chance, remember all of those good times from before and know that you're going to be just fine. Keep getting up and make new memories. There might be new traditions on Christmas, altered acceptance of drinking habits during weekdays, and certainly trials and tribulations that will test you, but I know that each and everyone of you has the ability to take that "next step" and come out on the other side smiling.

The Last Goodbye

I've always been a nostalgic person. Anyone that knows me could easily vouch for this, hell, just read any of my blog entries. I don't consider this a bad quality, but sometimes holding onto certain memories becomes excruciating . Sometimes I can grip them so tight that reality becomes distorted, the past remains unbearable, and the future is just too much. I pride myself on this quality however, no matter how unhealthy it can appear at times, it's simply something that makes me, me.

The goodbye is always the hardest part:

You hug your family goodbye after Christmas dinner. Stuffed to the brim with ham and pasta salad you must now embark from relative to relative to say your farewells and good nights. After you receive a crippling bear hug from your uncle, you continue to hobble onto the next aunt or cousin in hopes of a gentle embrace that will grant you some reprieve. It's not that a hug is a bad thing, there's just so much love that it can hurt sometimes. It's these things that you will come to miss.

You go to your best friend's "Bon Voyage" Party. As you drive there you casually remind yourself to not lose composure. The night will consist of board games, dinner, and gossip for dessert. All the while that goodbye is creeping up on you; you know that this night cannot last forever. After an overwhelming long hug, you wave goodbye from the car as you back out of the driveway. Sometimes all you can do is smile to avoid falling apart. The Lumineers play softly from the speakers; tears blind you as you swiftly dip out of sight and merge back onto I-64.

You sit on your bed and watch him mouth the words "It's over." The hair on the nape of your neck stands tall, like soldiers on the front line, your stomach takes residency next to your Adam's Apple, and all you want is the one thing you can't have, the love you just lost. You tell yourself it would have been easier if you had some warning; heartbreak, however, is never something that needs foreshadowing. It's a reality that hurts, and a goodbye that is even more painful to swallow. 

You wait in a room filled with the ill. Stomach bug in row 3, twisted ankle three seats down, and a nurse hurriedly running down the hall, clipboard in hand as a muffled voice echoes haunting calls of distress over the intercom. You blankly stare at his old face, his white lab coat gleaming back at you, and the word "Cancer" still bouncing around the inside of your head. You hold her hand and tell her "Everything will be alright", even though you have no medical training. Hope is the only medicine in your pharmacy. She gives you the best smile she can muster as you squeeze her hand tighter.

My Wanderers our paths are not always clear. We merge from paths to streets and from roads to countrysides, never with signs or a GPS. We are constantly forced to do the best we can with what we have. Isn't that what makes us such colorful people though? In life, there are no rule books and no maps of the future. We write it ourselves. I know it's hard sometimes, it's hard for me too; goodbyes are just a difficult part of life. This doesn't have to be as bad you make it out to be though. You do have some power here, so take it. 

The trick to saying goodbye is not dwelling on the mystery of the future. Do not revel in the ominous. Instead however, think of every good time that you had together. I know that sounds cliche, but it's so helpful. Saying goodbye is hard enough as it is and being depressed won't change a thing. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be sad. The day will seem a whole lot brighter when you smile instead of frown. Take a step forward my Wanderers. Each day is a challenge and I know you can overcome them. Hold onto those beautiful memories forever, never lose them. Let the others go and be free from your sadness.

Always be a shoulder to cry on for others, and always be thankful when someone offers you one in return. It is so much harder to go through this alone so don't turn away the people you care about most. Just remember that this too shall pass. We will get through this one day at a time. You just have to remember to enjoy the time that you're given and look forward to making new memories. When you're at your lowest, look up, because that's exactly where you're headed. Keep wandering, we'll all get to where we want to go in the end.